Tomorrow is the day!

So, here we are in Nanning..... the city where we will get our little treasure..... even with a VPN to get around the great firewall of China, I seem to be having issues on Facebook so this may be the easiet way right now to update...

Let's back up a bit.  We left our home in Birmingham at 4:30 a.m. on Thursday..... we barely made it there for our 5:25 flight.... in fact we got to the gate just as they announced the door would close in 3 minutes.  Starting out the journey in true Waltchack crazy fashion.  The next 28 hours were a blur or planes, shuttles, taxis, etc.   We all managed to sleep 7 hours on the big flight which helped to pass the time.  We ultimately passed out on amazing beds at the Ritz in Hong Kong.... a wise splurge for weary travelers in my opinion.  It was incredible.

It is a TOTALLY different trip bringing 2 kiddos with you...  I know it was the right choice and I pray that it will impact their lives..... that they would have a better understanding of how blessed they are, of the hurting in the world, and of our call to be a light in this dark world.... I would venture to say most 8 & 9 year olds think mostly about themselves on a given day..... how they are feeling, what they want to do and so on.  Praying this will shatter their southern, american, well provided for mindset and grow in them a heart after His own heart.  That being said, it is tiring for us to have them here with us.... but we know the heart impact far outweighs any extra mental and physical fatigue they are giving to us.... heck, even this is teaching us to get over ourselves....  we have laughed a lot and are building great memories.  My heart continues to feel like it is in 2 places.... thankful to be here and homesick for my babies all at once.  Sweet Henry keeps wanting to FaceTime me and then proceeds to sob and beg me to come home as soon as he sees me.   So, for now we will cut back on the FT and try to keep him in a happy place.  Mei Sims seems like she hasn't skipped a beat and is all smiles, which is a big answer to prayer.

We got to our hotel in Nanning last night at 9:30.  I can best describe it as looking like what you would picture a communist hotel from back in the day looking like...... we may have set ourselves up for failure by staying at the ritz!  Ha!  We walked through the lobby to a hundreds of staring eyes.... the only white people around.  As we made our way through the thick cloud of cigarette smoke, we made it to our room.... which turns out has no AC!  It is centrally controlled (thank you communism again) and hotel has on its heat because it is winter after all.... and a blustering 65 outside.  Sleep last night was rough and hot.  Anne Rainey woke up in a pool of sweat and covered all over her body with a heat rash of some sort.  Poor thing is itching like crazy.  Needless to say, we moved hotels. We landed at  the marriott this afternoon in an air conditioned room that doesn't smell like someone sprayed perfume to cover up a smoke smell.  We even took a family swim this afternoon with cute little mandatory swim caps on.  I finally feel settled in here, have unpacked and am ready to get to business.... getting little Colley.

So today, Colley spent her last day with her foster family.... her mama and baba.... her sisters.... And tonight she is sleeping with her foster mama for the last night....Tomorrow it all changes.  Tomorrow we are asking Jesus to help her to be brave.... braver than I have ever been called to be.....  So while I can't wait to hold her, my heart breaks for her.  I'm approaching tomorrow with such a mixture of joy and sorrow in my heart..... Thankfully though, I know the one who is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.  (Psalms 34:18)

One of my best friends sent this prayer to me and it is so perfect for tomorrow so I'll leave you with this:

O Thou who alone knowest what lies before me this day, grant that in every hour of it I may stay close to Thee. 

In Thy will, O Lord, is my peace.

In Thy love is my rest.

In Thy service is my joy. 

Thou art all my heart's desire,

Whom have I in heaven but Thee?

And there is none upon earth that I desire besides Thee.

10 more sleeps....

...and Colley will be in our arms.  This is about the time in the journey when adoptive moms send out "instructions" to friends and family..... so that you can better understand where our children have been and how you can help us as we try to get them to a different place.... a better place emotionally and mentally.  I sometimes just want to sum it up by simply saying "Look but don't touch!" but I realize a little more explanation can help understand the heart behind that.  When we went to get Mei Sims, I wrote a letter....

If you want to read the long version, you can click here.

The short version is that we need to be the ones right now to provide and care for her every need.  High fives, pats on the backs and blowing kisses from our friends are fine, but if you will please leave the holding, kissing, feeding, etc to us for a period of time, that would be great.  You can help us by always directing her back to us, if she is seeking attention from you these first few months.  I would like to say we are entering the cocooning phase but with 5 kids, I'm not sure how possible it is to seclude ourselves.... but you can greatly help us out when we are in public by being hands-off for now.  Believe me, being that there are 5 kiddos we can use your hands in a multitude of other ways over the next few months.... just all things Colley need to be our immediate family for now.

I've said this before but everything about the process to Colley has been night and day from our path to Mei Sims.  And even as I read over that old post in the link, the stark contrast is once again staring me in the face.  After 2.5 years, Mei Sims is so secure in our family and in who she is but there are still moments that break my heart.... moments that remind us of where she came from....  All that to say, Mei Sims came from a hard situation which made it so easy to want to run over there, get her and not look back.

With Colley it is different.  Yes, I want to scoop her up and kiss all over her cute little face... to protect her and love her.... to be her mom.  But here is where God's Sovereignty gets interesting.... where the bitter and the sweet, the sorrow and the love are intermingled.....

With Colley, from what we can tell, we are not getting a shell of a child.... she is very much thriving and growing into the little girl God made her to be.  She has life in her eyes and in her smile.  She has been with her foster family her entire life.... 2 years.... she calls them mama and baba..... I can barely let my mind dwell on it without breaking down.  The beauty is that she knows what a family is..... what it is to be a daughter, to have a mom and a dad..... she knows how to attach.... we fully expect her to attach well, but we know there will be a pretty big bump in the road before that comes.

When I requested an update on her a while back, I asked if she slept in a bed or a crib and alone or with a sister.... just to prepare for her homecoming.  They wrote back that she sleeps in a bed.... "always with her foster mother".  Seriously, what amazing sacrifice this foster mother has made....Two years of sleep!  Two years, where Colley had a need and it was met even in the wee hours of the night, two years where connections were made in her brain, two years where cycles were not broken......

This is the picture where we will enter in to get our daughter.  This gift that God gave us... that God gave Colley by placing her with a loving family?  Well, its about to get turned on its head... and its going to get rough.  We know that God is good but that this step in His plan for her will be so so hard.  It rips me apart to know that we will be causing confusion, sorrow and grief in her little heart by taking her away from her "family."  So thankful that I have such confidence that God created her to be ours.   We expect her to grieve..... grieve hard.... and we will hug her, cry with her and for her.... we too will grieve all that she is losing and we will make it through this together... but I'll admit, it seems a bit daunting to me....

One of my friends recently gave me the Ellie Holcomb CD and there was one track on it that truly undid me the first time I heard it....  She wrote it based on that verse in Zepahaniah (3:17) where God ministers to you even in your sleep.... As I think about our first few nights together.... when it will no longer be her foster mom's heartbeat she will feel, it will be mine....   when she wakes up and realizes she is gone, and she's left with me...... oh, this song is my prayer for sweet Colley.

Morning feels so far away, questions keeping me awake
Will you sing, sing your night song?
All these lies that are owning me, all this fear makes it hard to breathe
Will you be, be my night song?

The truth that sings into my darkness
The melody of love that leads me on
The voice that comforts all my sadness
Oh, even when the suffering is long, be my night song

Unmet longings steal my mind, calm my heart with your lullaby
Will you sing, sing your night song?
The sound of love surrounding me, promise that you will never leave
How I need, I need your night song

The truth that sings into my darkness
The melody of love that leads me on
The voice that comforts all my sadness
Oh, even when the suffering is long, be my night song


All of adoption is a picture of redemption.... of beauty from ashes.... Like I said though, this just seems different....  she is already in a place of beauty... we are about to walk through the ashes together .....  and I trust we will come out again in an even more beautiful place, tasting the sweetness of God's sovereignty.   I know He will give us the grace to navigate this tricky path together...  I'm thankful to be a part of the story He is writing in Colley's life even on days when the thought of what is coming overwhelms me.

We covet your prayers in the weeks to come:

Specifically:
*  For God to prepare Colley's heart and be very present with her these next few weeks
* For wisdom and strength for us as we head down this path again & our family dynamics change
*  For safety and health as we travel with our 2 big kids
*  For safety and health for the littles & my parents back at home
*  For Mei Sims' heart and mind to be at peace while we are gone & for her to sleep well

Thanks friends!

An Ebenezer for Colley

When we adopted Mei Sims, I wrote a post about "Stones of Remembrance".... an ode to the old testament when people would set up stones to remember a place or point in time when God moved.  I've yet to sit down and write about the moment we got Colley's file and the week of prayer that followed. ... figured I better do it now before I have "5 kiddo brain" ..... I have a strange feeling that my brain is about to go awol for a period of time.

So let's step back a bit to this fall.  As we waited for 4 months to find her, I kept feeling a stirring that God was calling me to step out in faith to a place that might sound scary.... they were playing the song "Oceans" on replay on Christian radio but there was something in it that just resonated with me.....  The first line "You call me out upon the waters, The great unknown where feet may fail.  And there I find you in the mystery...."  I knew God was speaking to me and preparing me for what was to come.

An even stranger place where God spoke to me.... watching Dolphin Tale 2 with my kiddos... yes, Dolphin Tale 2.... never saw #1 but #2 slightly did me in.  The dolphin has a prosthetic tale as most of you know.  At the end of the movie, they show clips of real life veterans and children with prosthetic limbs coming by to see the dolphin.  One child in that montage was an asian little girl with prosthetic legs and white parents....  Something about that sweet shot stirred something inside of me and I felt my heart opening to a need I had never considered before (I actually began to cry at the end of it but then felt like a moron so I said to myself "Conceal don't feel".... thank you Elsa)

Fast forward to October 22nd.  I went that morning to deliver some pumpkins to my awesome social worker Karla.... she couldn't come to the sale so we harvested a few more and I dropped them by her office.  When I saw her, I asked "Any chance any partnership files are coming soon?"  And she smiled and said "I was going to call you later with an update" and then she rambled a bit not making total sense.

Hmmmmm.  She never calls with updates.... only with files.... and she is typically to the point.... not rambling on.  Of course, my morning was shot thinking "This may be the day!"  I analyzed her words over and over in my head and with a few of my crazy adoption friends.  Sure enough, I got an e-mail 2 hours later saying "Call when you can chat."  It was perfect timing.... all the kids were in school... the house was quiet... I was a nervous wreck.... and I called her.  She had a file.  (I caught her off guard when I brought the pumpkins because she was actually in the middle of reading the file.)

Her comments began with "She may have a little more going on medically than you initially were open to, but we want you to see her file"  and with that mind began to race a bit... all I could hear was "orthopedic appointments, PT, doctors, casting".... Keep in mind, this was the end of October..... it was 8 weeks and 1 day that I had been carrying Mei Sims from hip surgery (not that I was counting!)..... but as my mind raced, my heart felt peace.  Total peace.

I read her file but couldn't bring myself to look at her pic for about 30 minutes.  I was trying to decipher big medical words about her leg, none of which I fully understood.... my mind still racing... and then I finally got brave enough to look at her pic.... When she came up on the computer screen, I let out an audible sigh and said "Oh my goodness."  I knew in my heart that I would never let her go....

We wanted to talk to doctors to understand what was going on with her leg and we had additional questions we needed answered from China.   So we waited for 8 days to hear back from China.  But it was amazing to see God order our footsteps in the days that followed.  The day after we got her file, we had Mei Sims' followup appointment at the orthopedist.... I went with her file in hand because I knew I'd have him trapped for a brief moment in that little exam room....he was able to explain the medical jargon to me but even greater was when he said "Mei Sims looks great.  We will see you once a year now."  I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders in such a way that another orthopedic need didn't feel daunting anymore.

I spoke with two other doctors over the next few days..... one who unbeknownst to me, has a child with the exact same leg booboo so she could give me her professional and personal perspective.... and one (who will be her ortho dr.) who called me from his cell on a day that he was not even at work but was moving houses.... I'll just go out on a limb and say most doctors wouldn't call you on a day like that when you aren't even a real patient yet.  Mei Sims' doctor also called Derek several times to talk while he was babysitting his daughter.  Only God could have orchestrated the phone conversations in such a timely manner.

I periodically send an e-mail I've put together on SPICA care to random friends of friends (of friends of friends) .... I sent a few such e-mails in the late summer.  Two days after we got Colley's file, I got an e-mail from one mom who I had not heard from since I sent the SPICA e-mail.... she wanted to let me know how the spica was going and ask a few more questions.... she attached a pic.... I was floored.... he had hip surgery but he also had the same surgery Colley will have.  I had NO IDEA that was his need.  I was able to ask her tons of questions over e-mail over the next few days about amputations, about pain, about how her son was emotionally dealing with everything......

But the greatest resource God provided?  Anyone who has read my blog for a while knows about our coffee group.... the coffee group rarely ever meets now but has given me some of the dearest friendships I have.... the group began with my friend Robyn and I meeting at Starbucks in the winter of 2011..... Robyn's daughter and Colley are from the same province.... Robyn's daughter and Colley both have a limb difference.... what Colley has is what they thought her daughter had.... it ended up being a bit different but all that to say, she knew EXACTLY what I was feeling, thinking, the questions I was asking, the doctors I needed to talk to, and so on.... Crazy, right?  This is a story that truly only God can write.  Our girls will be on different paths to healing but I love love love that they will have each other.

Do you see what God was doing??  Every time we turned the corner, he put someone in our paths to erase any fear of the unknown.... to answer every possible question.... to show me where He was leading.... and to lead us there in perfect peace.  Ironically, I posted a while back on my blog a post called "Peace, Love and Adoption"  and here He was, surrounding us in peace.

Interestingly, before we got Colley's file, we had been given two other files to review.... on paper they should have made perfect sense for our family..... but there was no peace whatsoever.... we knew that they were not our children.  I was really torn up during that step in the process and I remember my friend saying to me "You have to follow the peace.  God will give you peace when it is your child." I knew that of course but I had fears that I would somehow mess up His plans.  Contrast that with looking at Colley months later.....at first glance she didn't make sense on paper.... her need was greater than the other two babies but in our hearts there was peace.... so much peace and excitement that it was exhilarating to be a part of His plan.

God's timing is always so interesting.... the update we needed from China came as I was in the waiting room at Children's with my oldest daughter who was having an MRI......  I seem to always get news while I'm at Children's.... don't know if it is a sign that I am there a lot or if I should just start hanging out in the lobby when I need to hear from someone...... I only had time to read it, send it to Derek and then I was stuck in the MRI room with her, no cell phone, nothing to do but talk to God.  He knows my life is far from quiet but in His timing He isolated me in that MRI room to just be alone in prayer with Him.

With Mei Sims, I remember that I saw her and I knew..... this was much different..... I saw her and I loved her, I wanted to protect her, I wanted it to be her.... I had fears.... God met me in my fears..... as the song Oceans says

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now


God surrounded us in peace.  She is ours. Period.  God doesn't have to write His will blatantly in the sky so to speak.... he can quietly and gently lead us down a path.... allow that path to cross with others who He uses to encourage and direct.... and ultimately lead us to a place of perfect peace.....  Oh how thankful I am that He has given her to us.  It is a gift to get to be her mama.

“Here I raise my Ebenezer; Here by Thy great help I’ve come”

**  Colley turned 2 on December 26th.... wanna know what else happened on her birthday?  We got Travel Approval!  What a way to celebrate her birthday..... packing up to go get her!

If you are on FB, you can request to join my private page "The Waltchack Bunch." Most of my updating will be there.  If you aren't on FB, e-mail me (rushtonwalt@yahoo.com) and I can set up a group e-mail for the few of you that may want updates!

Shocker!

6 days after PA, our social workers called and asked if I was sitting down..... She had our LOA in her hand!!!!!!!!  Typically they call your agency to say its in the mail.  Our just showed up unexpectedly and miraculously fast!  For a frame of reference--- with Mei Sims, we stared at her face for 100 days before our loa came!  We could be in China in as soon as 8-10 weeks!!!  Party in our house after we got the news!

We also sent little miss a care package!  So fun putting it together!

More about little bit...

So I kind of left you all hanging...  I had one friend text me after seeing the blog and it said something like "More later?! No, more now!" Ha!

Even though I haven't been blogging about it all, God has been all over this adoption process.  Some of you who have been with me for a while, may remember a post called "November 15, 2012".... it was the day God told us that we had another child in China..... what we didn't know until 2 weeks ago was that she was in fact born just 6 weeks later.

She will turn 2 on December 26th and we hope to get to her before the Chinese New Year in med-February.... assuming China doesn't do anything crazy like tell all government workers in Beijing to skip work next week to help out with the pollution problem.... oh wait, they did do that.... only in China.... but once they get back up and running we hope to fly through the rest of our paperwork.

And while I want more than anything to have her here, I have such peace about where she is that it makes the wait bearable.  As far as we know she has never spent a night in the orphanage but has been with a foster family from the beginning!!!  This is such stark contrast to Mei Sims' story.... she is in a family... she knows what it is to be loved and as a result she knows how to love.... we could see it in her eyes the moment we saw her picture... there is life in them.  I don't think I can adequately describe what a gift this is to her... to us... and to what our journey together will be like.

Can't you just see the brightness in her eyes?

She is at a lifeline partnership, which means a team from Lifeline went to her city, met her, examined her and has given us a additional information.  My favorite tidbits to share with you are that she apparently likes to rip her clothing off....I think she will for right in with our crew.... The other day Anne Rainey screamed "I'm so excited she is my sister because she sounds just as crazy as me!!!"  And her other favorite activity?  "Basking in the sun"  Oh how I love Chinese people and the funny things they say!

She was born with a pretty big booboo in her leg called fibular hemimelia.   I know that God had great purpose in how He knit her together and I can't wait to see His plans for her.  What this means is that she is missing the fibula in her right leg.  As a result the leg is shorter and has other issues.  She will need surgery at some point after coming home and will ultimately have a prosthetic foot and ankle.  We feel so blessed and excited to navigate this path with her.  Our kids are ready to rally around her and protect her from any kids who choose to tell her that her foot is anything but awesome.  Rollins made the statement to me "I'm actually pretty good at threatening other people."  Nice.

Actually one of the sweetest moments when we were praying over whether or not she was our daughter happened when Rollins watched a video we have of her.  A few minutes later, I'm in the kitchen and he walks in with tears in his eyes.  I ask him if he is crying and then he starts laughing and crying more and throwing his hands up as if to say "I'm not sure what's going on."  He finally got out the words "I feel like God is telling me to protect her."  Sweet big brother.... she will be well taken care of!

One last note.... with Mei Sims' adoption, I felt a strong urging to share every high, low and in between.... and I know there was purpose in being open and vulnerable.  This time, I have felt different... I probably won't add much more until we go to China.  I'm not a very private person.... so I'm happy to talk in real life and answer any questions you have.... but just for now, I need to pull back on this public of a setting! That being said, I'd still love your prayers as we finish up paperwork.

Here is what I am praying and I'd love for you to join me:


*  For God to prepare our daughter for us and us for her
*  For God to bless the foster family with sweet time until then and prepare them to say goodbye
*  For us to be allowed to meet the foster family
*  We plan on taking the big kids and not the littles.  So for protection over all of us as we are apart.
*  For Mei Sims-- we feel like we will face set backs with her so just pray for her little heart during all of this and as we are separated for the first time.

Surprise......

..... here's our girl!  We submitted LOI (Letter of Intent) on Sunday, November 2nd which happened to be Orphan Sunday.  On Tuesday, we received PA (Pre-Approval) so we can share her sweet face with you!  More later.....

Come one, come all!

We have officially lost our minds!!!  Along with the kids, we have planted, grown and harvested tons of pumpkins to sell!  All money will go toward our adoption as well an another family's adoption (shhhhh.... its a surprise who that will be)

Please join us and spread the word!  We will accept cash and credit cards.  We also have a couple of awesome farm t-shirts.... like 500 of them.  They will be $20 each and available online soon.  I'll post a link when I have it.

We are dreaming big for this event! Let the fun begin!