Prayer Requests for the Journey

(This will be my last post before we leave)

We covet your prayers as we get ready to head out. I wanted to give you are general idea of my requests, so that you can join with us in lifting them up before the Lord. Derek and I were talking last night about how awesome it is to feel so loved and supported by the body of Christ…. We are truly thankful!

Rollins, Anne Rainey & Henry-

• Pray for their safety
• Pray that they would feel love, peace, encouragement & joy while they wait for us to come home since this will be the longest we have ever been apart.

Mary & Henry (my parents)-

• Pray that the Lord would give them supernatural strength and stamina as they chase our 3 around. Also, that they’d have wisdom on how to restructure their life and activities for the next two weeks.

Derek & Rushton-

• Pray for a hedge of protection to surround us as we travel and in our health.
• Pray for our time in china to be a time of deepening in our walks with the Lord.
• Pray for wisdom, peace and comfort when we face hard moments with Mei Sims.

Mei Sims-

• Pray for God to prepare her.
• Pray that the presence of the Lord would be so real to her and be a source of comfort. The first verse I ever prayed for her was Zephaniah 3:17… so I continue to pray that God would quiet her with his love & rejoice over her with singing.
• Pray for her to be able to attach well to us & feel safe with us.

Important Dates:

• March 1^st- Our travels begin!
• March 5^th- Gotcha Day!! (It will be at midnight Sunday night for everyone back home)—pray that God’s presence & peace would be so real for us that day.
• March 9^th- Trip to her orphanage. (This will potentially be a very hard day for her so pray that God would go before us and with us and prepare her to have closure with that chapter in her life.)

Prayers for her birthmom-

As we go to leave, I can’t help but have my mind drift back to her mother who carried her for those long 9 months. I feel like I will have a curious eye when we are in her hometown…. Thinking with each women who passes by…. Could that be her? My prayer is that the Gospel would find her…. That Jesus would seek her out… and that she might have a supernatural peace & comfort that her baby is well taken care of… and that we might have a reunion in heaven one day!

She's a lucky girl?

I've been told by many many people that "Mei Sims is such a lucky little girl." In fact, I'm sure I've said it to people before who were adopting... I understand the sentiment behind someone saying this and i know that people mean well.... yet, it has always left me feeling awkward and unsettled. Sometimes I make the comment back "we think we are the lucky ones" but even that phrasing feels forced and awkward.

Part of my problem is that I don't believe in luck. But say for a moment that I did..... then I'd be inclined to say really? She's lucky? She has been abandoned by her birth mother... She lives in a poor orphanage.... there are many orphanages that look like disney world compared to hers... she's 15 months old and has never tasted a bite of food, only formula... she has a dislocated hip that would have been easy to fix but they chose to leave it alone... see what I mean?

I think my problem with that phrasing is 2-fold....

First, I would never want her to hear that and think that she somehow owes us something or should have more gratitude toward us than our biological kids. Secondly, I want her to feel the freedom as she grows up to feel "unlucky"... to be able to grieve an mourn her losses, openly and honestly with us... Maybe I feel like the phrase somehow minimizes the sorrow and loss that she may feel at various points in her life....

I'm not going to give you the evil eye should you ever call her lucky.... I tell AR she is lucky plenty... but with MS it seems different. So I have struggled as well to figure out what I would even want someone to say in the place of that. I've tried on the phrase "she's a blessed little girl" but that also feels awkward. These are thoughts that have been in my mind since we started this process and creep back in every time I get a "She's lucky" comment which is pretty much weekly...

But tonight, I received a short and sweet e-mail from my oldest friend who I have known since I was 3.... she said a few simple words which beautifully encapsulated how I feel... words that I'd been searching for... she wrote "God's kindness to her to give you and Derek as parents is amazing."

I has such a moment of clarity... I love that the focus is on God and HIS kindness rather than on Mei Sims.... HIS kindness extended to her.... she will not always feel lucky or feel blessed BUT she can always trust and rest in His kindness... He who was and is and is to come does not change.... regardless of how Mei Sims feels about her lot in life and any bumps she hits along the way, I pray and hope that she would have a deep assurance in who God is and what He has done on her behalf.

I think this struck such a deep chord in myself because I know that this kindness is the same kindness that has been poured out in my life.... that nothing in my life has or ever could earn a right standing before the Lord... BUT, "See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are." 1 John 3:1 I too was an orphan.... when God reached down in love and sent Jesus to bear all of my guilt on Himself

I love the lyrics to "How Deep the Father's Love for Us" that say:

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

I am His treasure and Mei Sims is His treasure..... and it is not because we are somehow lucky but because God is so so good!

Dear Friends...

As we prepare to leave for China, I’m realizing that I have done little to prepare our friends and family about what to expect when we get home…. Recently, I casually said to one of my best friends that she wouldn’t be able to hold Mei Sims for 6 weeks or so… when she slightly freaked out, I realized I had never mentioned this before…. Oops! So I thought I might take a moment to convey my heart on this subject…

Obviously, bonding with your adopted child looks different than it does with a biological child because she’s already 15 months old and doesn’t know us at all. Mei Sims has faced challenges that God has spared our other children from going through. As part of the adoption process, we had tons of required reading on the issue of attachment and bonding…. Some of which can leave you slightly freaked out if I’m being honest!

Mei Sims has endured trauma in her life by being abandoned by the mother whose heartbeat and voice she knew for 9 months. Since that day, she has lived the first 15 months of her life without consistency from a variety of caretakers. While I am sure they have loved on her, I know there are times she has cried out in hunger and no one has answered where she has fussed over a dirty diaper and no one has changed her… you get the picture and can see how it is vastly different picture than the early lives of my biological children. When my other babies cried as newborns, I ran to meet whatever need they had… so a pattern emerged… they cried and I would take care of them…. over and over which resulted in their attachment to me as their mama. This may sound strange… how can a baby really know? But there are studies about actual connections that are made in your brain as a result of this cycle…

For Mei Sims, this cycle was broken by her birth mother and was repeatedly broken when her cries went unanswered or even when they were answered but by a new stranger…

What does this mean for us? In a sense, we are going to have to “retrain” Mei Sims’ brain…. And convince her that we will meet her needs and we will never leave her. I mentioned in a previous post but we do not expect a happy and excited child on March 5^th when we meet her…. We expect a scared little girl whose trust we have to earn…. and whose love we will fight for. We’ve been waiting, praying, preparing (along with all of you) for the arrival of our baby girl…. But she has not been waiting for us and she will need time to adjust.

We don’t know how long it will take for her to attach to us securely… but the reason I’m explaining this to you is because it will affect the way we interact with others for a period of time. We are asking for now that you please not hold her or pick her up. I will have her strapped to me most of the time when I am out in public or picking kids up from school…. It is totally fine to talk to her when you see us out, just try and refrain from touching and loving on her as hard as that may be. I have one friend who is so scared of messing up that she has vowed to not even make eye contact…. I promise we are not going to be that psycho. We just need her to understand the difference between family and strangers…. which is hard for a child who has no concept of a mother or father.

One of the greatest attachment tools is feeding. So for now, we will need to be the ones who give her bottles, meals and snacks. If we are playing at your house and she wants a snack. I ask that you give it to me so that I can give it to her. In a sense, this is replicating what she missed out on as a newborn but it may seem awkward to others because she is older now.

With all that said, we welcome anyone and everyone who wants to, to come to the airport to meet our peanut. We get home on Friday, March 16^th at 4:30. If you are dying to see her in person, we ask that you come then because we plan to come home and crash for a while!

I know that we have lost time with Mei Sims…. And some days it grieves my heart to have missed out on so much… but I’m so thankful that I have HOPE in a God who restores. I love the picture in Joel 2:25 where God says “I will restore to you the years the locusts have eaten.” I have confidence that what seemed lost, will be restored in her life…. I know she will flourish into who she was created to be…. And I’m thankful for the front row seat!

I also love the lines from a steven curtis chapman song that say

Out of these ashes... beauty will rise

and we will dance among the ruins

We will see Him with our own eyes

Out of these ashes... beauty will rise

For we know, joy is coming in the morning...

in the morning, beauty will rise

I feel like we are standing on the edge of a cliff about to jump off into the unknown…. Its exciting and terrifying at the same time…so thanks to all of you for being in this with us! I’ll post one more time with some specific prayer requests and then it’ll be off to china! I can hardly believe it! She has no idea what is coming….

I was just looking at the first photo we ever saw of Mei Sims, over 6 months ago..... looking at her now... she's growing up (sniff sniff)..... I

t's a little hard to take in how much she has changed as we have waited and waited for all of the paperwork to be done. I'm thankful that VERY soon we will have her home and can stop watching her grow up in photos!

An aside, but I get asked a few times a week about her name.... thought I'd clarify here that yes, we are calling her a double name and that Mei is pronounced like Mae.... most of you may know that but just wanted to put it out there for anyone who doesn't.

Another aside, if you are reading this, say a quick prayer for my friend Brecca who will get her daughter, Emalyn when we are sleeping tonight. Pray for Emalyn's transition... that she would feel loved and safe and that God would surround their family with love and protection. Thanks friends!

Let the countdown begin!

I can't seem to find time to post because I'm busy getting ready to go to china!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cannot believe we are at this point in the journey! Many of you know but on Thursday (my son's 2nd birthday also) we got Travel Approval (TA). It was kind of humorous how it all happened.

I went to Bible Study that morning and left my phone in the car by accident. I felt kind of naked without it which is bad to admit... but waiting on adoption stuff has made me check my e-mail incessantly. I get back to the car and have 13 texts, several e-mails and missed calls..... I wondered what the heck was going on. I quickly realized my friend, Kim had gotten her TA. I also saw an e-mail from my social worker asking me to call. I thought she was either calling to tell me we had TA or to console me since my friend had hers.... and try as I may I could NOT get in touch with her. I even texted her and she texted back but wouldn't call. An hour later, I get a text for derek that was the letter "T".... a few seconds later "A".... a few minutes later "hello? TA!" to which I replied "I cannot find karla so I don't know" and derek replied "dummy! i'm telling you we have TA and need to be in china on the 3rd!" I texted back "call me!", he replied "5 min." and I replied "NOW!" He called right away. Apparently when Karla couldn't find me that morning, she hatched a plan to let derek surprise me. It was all pretty priceless and about gave me a heart attack.

Friday we booked our tickets and we leave in 19 days! And please let me tell you the coolest part that only God could do..... I am going with 3 gals from my coffee group!!! (One lives in seattle now and the other 2 I see almost every week!) We are even flying over and back with one of them and we will all be in the same hotel together for 2 weeks. And because our daughters are in the same province, we will all 4 get our children in the same room at the same time!!! Can you imagine the hysteria that will be in that room?! It is going to be so amazing to share that moment and our time in china with those girls and it is so amazing to me that God orchestrated all of this.

Ok so also on friday, I'm leaving target and scream so loud in my car as I see new photos of Mei Sims in my inbox. Oh my, she is such a doll!!!!! It is a little sad to see how big she has gotten but I know God will help us to make up for lost time. I'll leave you with this new photo of her in her bed..... I think she is excited and knows we are coming :)

Lately....

Thought I'd just share some fun photos from the past few weeks as I enter the final month of "pregnancy." I have gone into psycho nesting phase.... it is interesting because it is just as intenseas when I am pregnant... the only difference being that because this process takes so long, I have nested over and over and over again. I have literally cleaned every closet 3 times in the past year. I also decided I had to catch up on all my kids' scrapbooks and our family photo album before I could add another kid in the mix.... finished that goal last week. Yea! I finally organized Mei Sims' closet as you can see below. I will add that it looks like an obscene amount of clothing..... but since we are not sure of her size, I have 9-18 months hanging in there! Also below is her "nook" in our bedroom for the time being... it only has her bed and the sweet little night light my friend Emily made.

Below is a photo from a baby shower for Mei Sims thrown by some of my dearest friends. It was such a sweet time of fellowship. I was so overwhelmed as we spent time in prayer for our little peanut.... so many girls were praying through tears... it is humbling to be surrounded by friends who love your child as much as you do and cry out to the Lord on her behalf. My friend, Lee Ann, who led the prayer time quoted from the story of the prodigal son where it says “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him." Love that image of a homecoming and am thankful for each person that night who rejoiced with me in Mei Sims' homecoming.... which will be soon!! They also purchased all the items on my packing list that I needed to buy which is a HUGE help!

Also in my craziness, I decided to make a sort of "countdown" for the kiddos to help them when we leave then for 2 weeks. I saw a similar idea on a blog somewhere years ago. So, I made a box with numbers they pull off each day to know how many days until we come home. Also inside are goodies to open each day.... they are anything from bubbles for all the kiddos to a new dvd to a CD we burned of their favorite dance music to letters from us.... just little things to help us not feel as far away. We have only left all 3 children one time for 2 nights and that is it! So 14 days may rock their world!

In other news, a doll that I ordered for MS in Dec. arrived..... they are from www.babybeblesseddolls.com and are SO CUTE!!!! You customize them however you want and the best part is the secret on their tummies.... Her name as well as the first verse I ever prayed for her.... Zephaniah 3:17

And finally, AR came home with this little treasure from school today. :)

A few ramblings...

I talked to my social worker to find out that our article 5 will be picked up on Feb. 2nd from the consulate and then someone will courier it to wherever it is that they do and THEN we will officially be waiting on TA! Yippee! (we lost a whole week with the chinese new year.... which I was hoping we weren't.. but what can you do?) Will you join me in praying for a fast TA?!?! Several of my friends are waiting on TA, so just praying for speed for all of us. Even with the end in sight, the wait to TA seems so long.... that feeling of so close yet so far away. So, enough about TA and on to other things....

While I am not traveling right now, I have the joy of journeying these next few weeks (albeit via the internet) with 3 friends who have left to go and get their daughters. Their blogs are all linked on the side of mine so check them out. Their daughters are all adorable and just have no idea what is coming.... praying that God will prepare them now for the huge transition.

When you have anticipated meeting your daughter for so long, it is easy to conjure up images of everyone in the room parting, music playing, a ray of sunshine from heaven beaming down on her as she sees you and runs and leaps in your arms laughing "mommy! I've been waiting for you!" In my dreams, it seems like a magical and beautiful moment. But the reality for our daughters could not be more different. Among my friends, our chinese daughters are anywhere from 15 months to 4 years old.... picture your child that age, waking up one morning, driven away from the only home she has ever known and then being handed to 2 people of a different race.... they smell different, look different and are probably crying and acting crazy. I picture my little Henry in that situation and it makes me want to vomit. It feels like a scary scene of a kidnapping..... and to add to it all, the Nanny who you know and love is making you go with them... do I sound too dramatic? All that to say that our girls are going to scared in a way that I can't fully understand... they may come to us kicking and screaming.... they may shut down emotionally to cope (which is what I am anticipating with Mei Sims from the birthday cake incident).... but it just seems like such a contrast... that they day we have dreamed of as being one of the greatest in our lives will be a day of fear, trauma & loss for her. Of course, we have confidence that she will overcome all of that trauma... but I think this is partially on my heart to share so that you would join me now in praying that God would prepare Mei Sims in ways that only He can... I'm praying that she will grieve and mourn her loss, that we will know how to minister to her in her hurt... and that she will quickly feel safe and overwhelmed with love in a way that is possible with the love of Christ. You can also pray that this week for Mollie, Emma and Madison, the daughters of my friends.

Emma is Mei Sims little roommate that I have mentioned before. I'm PRAYING that her mama is allowed to go visit the orphanage (it is up to the director) because if she does, she will get to love on Mei Sims. Even if it is just a hug, there is something so comforting in knowing that a friend may get to see and touch my daughter. It makes her feel closer in the waiting. As Emma leaves though, it brings my mind again to what loss these little girls endure.... they have been together since they were born. They are 1 month apart in age. I have to imagine they feel like sisters and then one day emma will just be gone? How would that feel? I know they are young but she certainly will know that her friend is missing. Just can't wait to have her home and for her to learn that we will never leave her. period. she is stuck with us!

I'll leave you with another song for the journey. It seriously sums up the way I feel right now better than I could ever express is.... the chorus says "my heart is tangled all around you..." and that is how I feel... a surreal feeling of being tangled up with a child half way around the world.... I have more to say but feel as though I am rambling so I'll save it for another day!