Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Big girl undies...

a little over 10 months home.... 10 months of colley being our roommate.... I frequently suggest she go to her bed in the room with her sisters and she laughs "I stay with you mommy!"  But it isn't so bad..... I wake up most every morning to her rubbing my cheeks and saying "I love you so much mommy!  I love your face, I love your eye brows, I love your nose, I love your chin, I love your hair, I love your back, I love you so much!"  Even if it is a little earlier than I would like, its oozing with sweetness.....  everyone should have a Colley in their life!

We think she may be brilliant..... not only does she talk up a storm but we realized recently that she can read every letter of the alphabet!  While trying to teach Henry and Mei Sims their letters, her little brain was soaking it all in.  She is very very aware of every detail of life and forgets nothing.  If I can't find my keys, shoes, or anything else that I frequently misplace,  I ask her and she is ALWAYS right.  She is pretty much breath-taking in more ways that one..... and her little world is going to be rocked on December 9th.

I had sinus surgery about 4 years ago and was utterly freaked out about the post- op appointment which might involve cleaning out some packing..... so psycho that I took a valium that they gave me-- and when I went in, I can remember just talking my head off to the nurse (which is what I do to cope when I'm nervous)..... she finally said "Girl, you need to put your big girl undies on!"..... her nice way of telling me to quit being a wuss and just let them look up my nose.... and guess what?  I lived to tell about it.

So time once again to get out of the land of denial, put my big girl undies on and get ready for the date that as I see quickly approaching on my calendar.... Colley's surgery..... first step was to actually buy plane tickets so that we would in fact be there for the surgery.... I checked that off my list a week ago.

Originally we planned to be in baltimore for 2.5 weeks and were going to celebrate christmas at the Ronald McDonald house.... but after trying to plan, talking to the doctor and praying some more, they are going to let us leave.... we now only have to be there for 8 days!  HUGE answer to prayers!!  When we thought we would be there longer, I convinced Derek that we needed to forgo our griswaltchack christmas lights this year to keep life simple..... Derek's first reaction when I told him the good news about them letting us go home?  "You know that this means?  We have to do our decorations now!"  Love that that is what his mind went... what a mess.  So there will be a scissor lift at our home this weekend as we begin the journey to lose our minds....

Here is where I need you!  We need prayer.  I'm not a stranger to having kids have surgery.... my other kids have had a combined 9-10 surgeries (I'm losing count at this point).... but this will by far be the most complicated and hardest recovery.  So here are the specifics:

1.  Pray for Dr. Standard

I'm thankful for a dr. who believes in God rather than thinks he is God.  He is awesome!  Pray that the Lord will guide his hands and give him wisdom once he gets in there.

2. Healing
She will be having an 8 plate put in her knee (to correct the knock knee), her tibia broken and straightened (to correct the valgus in the bone), and her outer ankle (which she doesn't have) rebuilt with bone and tendons here and there being tweaked.  It's a lot at one time.  Pray against infection and that her pain would be managed well.  These procedures are not a true lengthening but once everything is aligned correctly, she should in face gain a bit of length.... so I'm praying that she will gain a couple of centimeters.

3. Colley's little heart and mind

She had surgery in china for another issue and spent a month in the hospital, had an infection, had to have the procedure revised and from all accounts was in a lot a lot of pain.  Also, she did NOT have her foster mom with her but rather a nanny.  When we questioned the Hepu folks about her time in the hospital, I didn't even need a translation because their faces said it all.... it was very hard on our baby.  I feel sure that this setting will trigger things in her mind, flashbacks, fears, whatever it may be...... given how smart she is, it may be worse for her than some.... just pray that God will meet us in whatever mess this creates emotionally.

4.  My fortitude

I have a college friend who almost throws up at the word "socket"..... we all have words that seem to make us cringe..... I have discovered a new phrase that is striving to undo me "cleaning pin sights"  Excuse me while I gag..... actually I'm realizing that this may be a universal feeling based on the looks on other people's faces when I describe this process to them..... I'm the type of mom who is trying to comfort a vomiting child as I am dry heaving watching them.  My stomach is not made of steel.  I can barely look look at pics of what is about the happen to colley.  It will involve lots of pins going into her foot and ankle..... screws going into her tibia (which we will have turn a nut on the fixator every day for maybe 12 days to turn the bone into a straight position) and it will all need daily cleaning.  Praying that Colley won't freak when she sees her external fixture and that I will be able to also maintain composure as I do things that I never dreamed I'd have the mental strength to do.....

5.  Safety and Health of the whole family

I'm truly not a fan of having our little clan scattered, so praying for peace, good health and safe travels on Dec. 6-14th.  My dad is making the journey with me and Colley to Baltimore for a lot of reasons.  First, Colley pretty much thinks he hung the moon and secondly its much easier to leave Derek in charge of the other kiddos than to figure out plans for everyone.  Then Dad will leave and Derek will come up with the girls, leaving the boys with my parents.  We will all be reunited on Dec. 14th assuming things go as planned for Colley Bear.

I am sad about the pain the Colley is about to face and wish that I could take her place but I have to add that I have total peace about everything..... Colley is our daughter precisely because of this physical need.... God perfectly knit her together and in His loving providence, saw fit for her to walk this path..... I praise God that she is not walking this path alone but He has called us to walk with her... it is an honor to be her mama, truly.

As I saw this surgery on the horizon, I set 2 goals for the fall.  I wanted to have a quiet time every day and I wanted to train for and run a half marathon that is coming up.  In my mind, if I could be at my peak physically, mentally and spiritually, then I'd be ready tackle this!  I'd be a rock for Colley.....  Any guesses what happened? I failed miserably at both goals.... 5 kids and a quiet time has seemed like an urban myth.... and after a long run resulting in my first ever ocular migraine where I called Derek because I was in my car but couldn't see..... I hung up my shoes for the time being.

I had planned to bring my A game to this surgery....  and God has gently and not so subtly reminded me that He has this.... He has Colley.... He has me.... and HE will be a rock for both of us!

So here I am, out of shape both physically and spiritually and signing off with my big girl undies on.... which by the way, Colley potty trained herself in September.... so she is joining me in her big girl undies and ready to get the show on the road.

I'll update regularly while we are there.

ready for the baltimore winter weather!

Is it just me or do she and bob kind of look alike?

Mei Sims is like a little mama.  I came in to find she had colley sitting in a toy basket with a quilt on her, doing a sticker book and even gave her a trash can if she needed it.

Just because she is so stinkin' cute

Pre-op appointment

Before pic-- this is 2 feet on the ground

Before pic-- this is how she walks

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