Thursday, January 26, 2012

A few ramblings...

I talked to my social worker to find out that our article 5 will be picked up on Feb. 2nd from the consulate and then someone will courier it to wherever it is that they do and THEN we will officially be waiting on TA! Yippee! (we lost a whole week with the chinese new year.... which I was hoping we weren't.. but what can you do?) Will you join me in praying for a fast TA?!?! Several of my friends are waiting on TA, so just praying for speed for all of us. Even with the end in sight, the wait to TA seems so long.... that feeling of so close yet so far away. So, enough about TA and on to other things....

While I am not traveling right now, I have the joy of journeying these next few weeks (albeit via the internet) with 3 friends who have left to go and get their daughters. Their blogs are all linked on the side of mine so check them out. Their daughters are all adorable and just have no idea what is coming.... praying that God will prepare them now for the huge transition.

When you have anticipated meeting your daughter for so long, it is easy to conjure up images of everyone in the room parting, music playing, a ray of sunshine from heaven beaming down on her as she sees you and runs and leaps in your arms laughing "mommy! I've been waiting for you!" In my dreams, it seems like a magical and beautiful moment. But the reality for our daughters could not be more different. Among my friends, our chinese daughters are anywhere from 15 months to 4 years old.... picture your child that age, waking up one morning, driven away from the only home she has ever known and then being handed to 2 people of a different race.... they smell different, look different and are probably crying and acting crazy. I picture my little Henry in that situation and it makes me want to vomit. It feels like a scary scene of a kidnapping..... and to add to it all, the Nanny who you know and love is making you go with them... do I sound too dramatic? All that to say that our girls are going to scared in a way that I can't fully understand... they may come to us kicking and screaming.... they may shut down emotionally to cope (which is what I am anticipating with Mei Sims from the birthday cake incident).... but it just seems like such a contrast... that they day we have dreamed of as being one of the greatest in our lives will be a day of fear, trauma & loss for her. Of course, we have confidence that she will overcome all of that trauma... but I think this is partially on my heart to share so that you would join me now in praying that God would prepare Mei Sims in ways that only He can... I'm praying that she will grieve and mourn her loss, that we will know how to minister to her in her hurt... and that she will quickly feel safe and overwhelmed with love in a way that is possible with the love of Christ. You can also pray that this week for Mollie, Emma and Madison, the daughters of my friends.

Emma is Mei Sims little roommate that I have mentioned before. I'm PRAYING that her mama is allowed to go visit the orphanage (it is up to the director) because if she does, she will get to love on Mei Sims. Even if it is just a hug, there is something so comforting in knowing that a friend may get to see and touch my daughter. It makes her feel closer in the waiting. As Emma leaves though, it brings my mind again to what loss these little girls endure.... they have been together since they were born. They are 1 month apart in age. I have to imagine they feel like sisters and then one day emma will just be gone? How would that feel? I know they are young but she certainly will know that her friend is missing. Just can't wait to have her home and for her to learn that we will never leave her. period. she is stuck with us!

I'll leave you with another song for the journey. It seriously sums up the way I feel right now better than I could ever express is.... the chorus says "my heart is tangled all around you..." and that is how I feel... a surreal feeling of being tangled up with a child half way around the world.... I have more to say but feel as though I am rambling so I'll save it for another day!

1 comment:

Sandra said...

We are waiting for A5 pickup too! Except with CNY, it's going to be 2/7. :( Can't wait to finally be waiting for TA! Congrats on being so close!!!