2 steps back

Thought that was an appropriate title since the last post declared "one step forward." It's not really 2 steps back since God is in control of all the details....but last week, found out that the fingerprints that I had been waiting on for 4 plus months--- FAILED!!! That's right! But since I failed so many times, they ran a name check to clear me with the FBI and they say that my letter is in the mail for real this time! Yea!!!

Then remember how I had to also get biometric fingerprints done for some immigration papers?? My social worker assured me that no one ever fails those..... got my letter in the mail and FAILED!! That's right. I'm seeing a pattern here :) So, I went on wednesday to try try again and we will keep our fingers crossed that this worked.

I just don't have good prints according to the lady taking them... she said it over and over and over..... The state of my fingers is further exacerbated by an addiction to lotion since 3 years old! The lady assured me that lotion users are the worst! My mom tells stories of me as a kid, out running errands with her and freaking out because my hands felt dry and making her stop at people's houses along the way to borrow lotion. Yes, she may have fed my addiction by actually stopping to get me some but I was just thankful for my hands to be rescued. I even took a small round crabtree & evelyn container with lotion to school starting in 5k! I can remember in 2nd grade, being made fun of when kids discovered my stash in my pencil box so I told them the next day that I had quit bringing it to school-- i lied-- and the truth only came out a few weeks later when I fell walking down the stairs in front of my class, my pencil box came crashing down, and out rolled the lotion container-- I was humiliated.... but not enough to break the addiction.....

I'm sure you wanted to know that but I have had a good laugh thinking about how only He knew what role all of this would play 30 plus years down the road as I tried to bring my daughter home from china....

From the beginning of time, He set a plan in motion to time it perfectly for me to matched with my daughter.... When He knit me together, He made my fingers to have light prints... and then as a child, He made me to love hand lotion.... He knew all of this would cause "delays" one day as He worked out the timing of matching us with our little girl.... truly He is a God details, right?!

Here is another song for the journey that i just love the words to by Allison Krauss... it is not about adoption at all but it has impacted me to just think about the choices I make and wanting to live in a way as to daily give my life as an offering to Him... to find rest and strength in Him... the adoption journey is one that is definitely stretching me to do that...

In this world I walk alone
With no place to call my home,
But there's one who holds my hand
Through rugged roads, through barren lands.
The way is dark, the road is steep,
But He's become my eyes to see,
The strength to climb, my griefs to bear.
The Savior lives inside me there.

Chorus:
In Your love I find relief,
A haven from my unbelief.
Take my life and let me be
A living prayer, my God, to Thee.

In these trials of life I find
Another voice inside my mind.
He comforts me and bids me live
Inside the love the Father gives.

In Your love I find relief,
A haven from my unbelief.
Take my life and let me be
A living prayer, my God, to Thee.

Take my life and let me be
A living prayer, my God, to Thee.