Monday, February 27, 2012

She's a lucky girl?

I've been told by many many people that "Mei Sims is such a lucky little girl." In fact, I'm sure I've said it to people before who were adopting... I understand the sentiment behind someone saying this and i know that people mean well.... yet, it has always left me feeling awkward and unsettled. Sometimes I make the comment back "we think we are the lucky ones" but even that phrasing feels forced and awkward.

Part of my problem is that I don't believe in luck. But say for a moment that I did..... then I'd be inclined to say really? She's lucky? She has been abandoned by her birth mother... She lives in a poor orphanage.... there are many orphanages that look like disney world compared to hers... she's 15 months old and has never tasted a bite of food, only formula... she has a dislocated hip that would have been easy to fix but they chose to leave it alone... see what I mean?

I think my problem with that phrasing is 2-fold....
First, I would never want her to hear that and think that she somehow owes us something or should have more gratitude toward us than our biological kids. Secondly, I want her to feel the freedom as she grows up to feel "unlucky"... to be able to grieve an mourn her losses, openly and honestly with us... Maybe I feel like the phrase somehow minimizes the sorrow and loss that she may feel at various points in her life....

I'm not going to give you the evil eye should you ever call her lucky.... I tell AR she is lucky plenty... but with MS it seems different. So I have struggled as well to figure out what I would even want someone to say in the place of that. I've tried on the phrase "she's a blessed little girl" but that also feels awkward. These are thoughts that have been in my mind since we started this process and creep back in every time I get a "She's lucky" comment which is pretty much weekly...

But tonight, I received a short and sweet e-mail from my oldest friend who I have known since I was 3.... she said a few simple words which beautifully encapsulated how I feel... words that I'd been searching for... she wrote "God's kindness to her to give you and Derek as parents is amazing."

I has such a moment of clarity... I love that the focus is on God and HIS kindness rather than on Mei Sims.... HIS kindness extended to her.... she will not always feel lucky or feel blessed BUT she can always trust and rest in His kindness... He who was and is and is to come does not change.... regardless of how Mei Sims feels about her lot in life and any bumps she hits along the way, I pray and hope that she would have a deep assurance in who God is and what He has done on her behalf.

I think this struck such a deep chord in myself because I know that this kindness is the same kindness that has been poured out in my life.... that nothing in my life has or ever could earn a right standing before the Lord... BUT, "See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are." 1 John 3:1 I too was an orphan.... when God reached down in love and sent Jesus to bear all of my guilt on Himself

I love the lyrics to "How Deep the Father's Love for Us" that say:
How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

I am His treasure and Mei Sims is His treasure..... and it is not because we are somehow lucky but because God is so so good!


mbcfree said...

I don't believe in luck either but if I did you would be the lucky one. You are about to experience the most beautiful and heart wrenching event ever created. Giving birth is wonderful but having a child that God chose specifically for you placed in your arms is truly a miracle. It actually feels like a miracle as it is happening. You will never forget it and never replicate it. It's without words. God is so present in those moments. It's what I want to tell everyone I see. Don't miss this. Take action. Don't miss this breathtaking moment. It is so precious. I can't wait for one more person to know what I'm talking about.

meg said...

Can't wait to follow your journey... Enjoy every moment..

meg godwin

love your post on what to expect when home. would you mind if I post it on my blog? giving you credit of course. you have the gift of writing...