I never intended to blog this much but I also never realized I'd have so much to share at this point in our journey....I don't know if I thought 4 months out, life would be calming down or what but my life most days feels like I am living in a movie.... mostly a comedy with some drama infused throughout.... at least I know that I won't falsely lead you down a path of adoption yourself by allowing you to think that I'm frolicking in fields of flowers in a fairy tale, right? If you are considering adoption, I hope that through all of my crazy musings, you will come away knowing that God will equip you for the call.... the good and the bad and the crazy..... so onto and this week's dramedy....
It began like this:
With a little of this :
I commented to derek that it was our first "normal" monday morning in a while.... we were in town, he was headed to a monday morning work meeting while we were still in Pj's and eating breakfast. 15 minutes later he called to say "I'm ok but I've been in a carwreck. The other car is flipped over. I didn't want someone else calling to tell you. Gotta go." Excuse me? Did he say flipped over? I didn't panic because he assured me he was ok and a friend was driving by, saw his truck & stayed with him. Thankfully the friend had the good sense to insist he take "a very out of it" Derek to the ER. So the quite monday morning, turned into hanging out at the ER with 2 kiddos. Derek had been a mile from our home going straight, the other guy was in a turn lane where he had to yield to Derek and for whatever reason, pulled right in front of him. Derek T-boned him going almost full speed. The guy flipped and had to be cut out and taken to another ER. Thankfully both he and Derek walked away just feeling sore and with random scratches. Knowing Derek well, I asked a million questions to feel confident that this was not his fault but I didn't fully breathe a sigh of relief until I knew that the police saw it the same way as he explained it. I'm learning to throw away my concept of a "normal day" and just roll with whatever God has in store for us.... He is throwing some pretty crazy things my way to get the point across. Included this week as well, was me getting stung by a bee... he was still in me and I flicked him and he broke in half.... fanny and stinger still in me wiggling around and his head and wings gone. Yuck. And I did have an allergic reaction, unlike Henry a couple of weeks ago.... so had the joy of taking all 4 kids with me to get a shot..... which they found hilarious that it was in my rear.... and while I'm getting the shot, I'm holding onto my ragin' asian as she thrashes and screams because she thinks the dr. is there for her..... the nurse looked a little nervous about it all. We turned quite a few heads in there. The week ended with Henry assaulting Rollins with his teeth as evidenced by the photo above.... or as he explained "I bited wollins." Before I had time to the finish this post, photo #3 happened..... no wind at all and then whoosh.... a ginormous branch fell from the tree destroying 3 of our adirondack chairs.... not a big deal but it felt so random and I'm so so thankful we were not sitting in them at that moment!!
At one point this week, I texted derek some lyrics to a song in Les Mis so he would know my state of mind that he was coming home to..... "I had a dream my life would be...." I'll spare you all the lyrics lest you find me too dark and jaded.... I really am generally not a person who is quick to dwell on or point out all the "hard" in my life but lately it has been almost laughable to look at all the crazy in our home. Thankfully God allows the perfect amount of joy and fun to flood my home each day to keep me going.
One such highlight this week was having a moment of realizing it has never occurred to me to try and teach henry the alphabet... poor 3rd child. So I picked up a letter block with an "A" on it and this conversation followed:
Me: Henry, what letter is this?
Me: (gasp) Henry, that is so good. Where did you learn that?
Hen: at cool
Me: (holding B) What letter is this?
Hen: quack quack
Me: (holding T again)What letter is this?
Hen: Number 2
Me: (holding A again): What letter is this?
Hen: ummm ummmm (followed by silence)
Oh dear. It had been a fluke. Again, my poor third child.... but he radiates joy so who cares if he knows his letters.
Other highlights: Rollins having one day where I saw him legitimately looking for ways to help me out and being so kind to the other kids.... it only lasted a day but it was great while it lasted...... AR hugging me tight at bedtime and saying "you are the cutest mama ever" .... Rollins sensing that I'm about to lose it from MS's screaming and saying "I'm sorry it is so hard for you right now mommy"..... Did I mention that her newfound happiness after getting the cast has now turned into utter frustration, anger and screams? Poor thing. I'd be mad too. But the screams are enough to drive anyone batty!!! I started the week by saying with a stern face "no fuss" to try and get her to cut it off... sometimes worked sometimes didn't.... I even once asked her "are you being psycho?" and she said "Yea!"... of course, she had no idea what I was asking and yes I realize that is mean to ask my baby! But as the week went on and I experimented more, I realized that by saying "Mommy is right here, I love you" rather than telling/asking her to stop fussing, amazingly the fussing would stop. It comes again a few minutes later so I repeat it again and again it works. I can't even count how much I repeated that over and over but I did find that a much better solution.... keeps my blood calmer and obviously makes her feel better.... She just needs to hear that I love her & am not leaving in my words and in my tone and it soothes her soul a bit more each time...
"Mommy is right here, I love you" is also on repeat during the night these days. I have always bragged about how well MS sleeps but something has changed lately and she screams on and off all night.... one night for 2 hours straight... even putting her in bed with us isn't helping. I remember a social worker saying that sometimes the more attached they get, the more sleep gets disrupted for a period of time....they want to make sure you are there at all times.... I've gotta choose to believe that this is a good thing because it certainly doesn't feel like it is a good thing.... I've gotten a little lazy with it in the night though and will just sit up in the bed and scream out the phrase to her and it is amazing how it actually calms her even when she can't see me... she just needs to be reassured that even in the dark, we are still there.... it actually is kind of sweet sounding as I type this in the daytime.... I should remind my self of that tonight when I shout it out for the 20th time! (Funny aside, Derek took a turn calling it out to her the other night and I told him it needed to sound sweeter so he raised his voice an octave higher to tell her we were there. We had a good laugh the next morning about his sweet high voice.)
Oh and to be a fly on the wall at naptime, you'd really think I'd lost my mind. We have blankets draped over her crib so she can't see out... so I'll tell her goodnight and then sit down beside her crib..... she'll cry out again, and I say "mommy is here..." and then what do I do? I trick her! I literally crawl on all fours out of the bedroom so sweet little thing thinks mommy is sitting beside her but really am galavating around the house. It is so funny to me that it actually works.... although one day there was a slight crack between the blanket and her bumper pad.... she screamed each time I tried to quietly crawl off and I couldn't for the life of me figure out how she knew.... until I noticed the crack. Adjusted the blankie, mommy loves you and off I went.... I feel like a rocket scientist having figured out that game plan!
MS continues to have moments every day that keep me going amid the screams..... for example, finding the kids in the kitchen one morning teaching MS how to say "MINE!" and she totally gets it.... she narrows her eyes and makes a mad face and she lets that phrase roll of her tongue with ease...it is really humorous..... or at church sunday, watching MS sing her heart out (all in gibberish) as we sang a hymn and then being so excited that when it ended, she screamed out "more!" The other highlight which I got derek to video as proof is that MS has begun walking! Assisted of course but it is AMAZING to see her sheer determination.... this girl has some gusto! (Video to follow) Our life may have a crazy story line but I wouldn't trade it for the world!
And one cute photo to end on:
MS was sitting at her table derek built.... the table which the kids have decorated with stickers... when I looked down and saw this sticker and thought " that's my little monkey!" There is a strong resemblance don't you think?
you guys are the best
5 days ago