Tuesday, November 8, 2011

I wonder if she thinks of her....

Mei Sims' 1st birthday is this friday and my mind is in a millions places at once. Last thursday was one year from the date that I first prayed for our little girl.... 8 days later she entered this world. I went back a reread where I wrote in my journal and then my mind turned to thoughts of her birth mom. What is she feeling as Friday approaches... the day she gave birth and gave up her tiny baby girl? I can barely wrap my brain around what she must be thinking... I have to think it is akin to an anniversary of a death... and this is the first one of a lifetime of anniversaries for her... it is really heartbreaking.

And obviously I don't know her or the circumstances surrounding her situation but being a mom, I KNOW that she had to have loved her to some degree... she felt her grow, kick and move in her belly for 9 months. I picture her soul having an open wound that really cannot be healed without the tender care of Jesus. I've prayed for her on and off that God would surround her with peace and comfort... that she would know that her baby is ok and will be well loved and cared for... But just yesterday, I realized I had never prayed for her salvation?!? Not sure how that escaped me... but what greater gift of prayer could I give to her in return for the precious gift she has given us? As I have chewed on this for a few days, I've been more and more convicted of praying this for her... that God would seek her out and pursue her because He knows where she is and who she is when I haven't a clue. That someone would tell her about the gift of the gospel... and just think how intimately she could relate to Him... knowing the heartache of giving up your child... and then my mind went to a glorious reunion in heaven one day where Mei Sims and I could both give her birth mom a big ole hug and worship our savior together! It makes me smile to think of that. Some of you reading may find me crazy but I hope and pray that she could know the love of Jesus and in Him find salvation and healing...

So, with her birthday also comes a bit of sadness that she doesn't get to celebrate it with us. My sweet friend Emily actually gave me her first birthday present the other day-- a precious shirt with her name monogrammed on it-- it is so adorable and made me want to cry... I KNOW God's timing is perfect and this was his plan for her to be in China on her 1st birthday but it is still hard feeling like a bit of your heart has been cut off, shipped overseas and you can't get it back just yet. I just want her. I've seen God's hand in every bit of the timing to get to this point so I can rest it will all be good... but just being honest, I get impatient!

I was kind of dreading this week and thinking I'd be in tears all day BUT once again, God in his providence had another plan. 4 months ago, Derek began a plan for a surprise trip for us which I just found out Sunday, we are leaving tomorrow! Just a quick trip to New Orleans with no kiddos. So now, as I think of Mei Sims on her birthday, I'll be getting a massage and a pedicure... I'm sure that will help, don't you think?

As if God has not confirmed enough to me during this journey, He gave me 2 more cool "stones" to sprinkle on top of my already heaping pile... First, my best friend when I lived in China is like a sister to me... actually she is a sister in Christ. I was e-mailing her last week when I realized that her birthday is the same day as Mei Sims! Don't know how I didn't put that together yet. So now, my 2 favorite chinese girls will be celebrated together! And then I guess like mother like daughter, my mom had a realization last week. We were talking one day and she said "Oh my goodness! My grandmother's name was Mae Sims!" I was shocked she hadn't thought of that before as we debated names for 2 months! (I'll chalk that up to a senior moment!) I knew sims was a family name on her side but had no clue about the Mae... I think we just got confirmation that we picked the right name.

Thanks again for walking this journey with me. There are honestly days where I just can't even pray again for my LOA to come because I'm tired and wearied from the long process. It is such an encouragement to me to know that others are lifting us up when I just can't quite do it myself. The LOA WILL come one day and one day she will be home but for now we wait and wait and wait........ And on Friday we will celebrate the precious life of our little one! Happy Birthday Mei Sims! We will be there soon!


Sandra said...

Oh, how I'm going to be in your shoes soon and NOT looking forward to it! Our Kylie's first birthday is January 30 and there's no way we will be in China by then. My heart just aches. But you are right...as much as I hate to hear it sometimes, God knew this and it was all part of His plan. Praying for your family...that you will be joined with Mae Sims in record time!

RSDouglas said...

I stumbled upon your blog tonight while looking for the BJL chicken and wild rice recipe! Been going to Brookhills, where we pray and focus a lot on adoption (David and his wife are going next week to get their girl!) so neat to be following yout story. Will be praying!, much love to Derek and your family. Ruth Saxon