I wrote this post over a year ago and wondered if I would ever publish it. Now that we are in process to adopt from China, it seems appropriate to share..... it sheds a little light into how God moved to get us to this place. So thankful to be here again. (For those of you who have been with us for a while, YES, I do remember all the hard that is coming! But one look at MS and I'm reminded that it is oh so worth it!)
November 15th 2012
This day will be forever etched in my brain as my personal day "of infamy".... I also affectionately call it my "O Crap Moment" in life. Let me back up briefly to explain how we arrived at the OCM. Several months ago, I began pondering an innocent question... "Are we finished having kids yet?" I could really go either way in my decision. So I began to innocently ask Derek as well if he thought we were done. Let's just say that he was not super engaged in those conversations. And if he did respond to me, it was generally with a short quip about how we have too many kids already. So I dropped the subject.
But a month or so ago, a strange thing began to happen.... I began to feel as if someone was missing. Not a romantic sense of "our family doesn't seem complete." Instead it was a can't-breathe-gonna-throw up-panicked feeling where I literally thought I had misplaced a kid. I would be out with my children and my heart would drop.... and I would quickly count. One. Two. Three. Four. Sigh of relief. They are all here. And then it would happen again. Sometimes just sitting the kids at the counter to feed them a meal would trigger this quick counting routine. Over and over this happened. Over and over, all 4 were there.... but I couldn't shake the feeling. I did not tell Derek about this phenomenon..... I wasn't ready to fight it out about why we needed another baby. Besides the fact, it really freaked me out to imagine 5 children..... I only ever wanted 2.
Instead, I told God. The conversation with God went something like "I don't know if this is what you are telling me and honestly it is scaring me a bit. I'm not about to tell Derek so if this is from you, then by golly, you need to tell Derek yourself." End of discussion and again, I breathed a sigh of relief because I knew that He wouldn't tell Derek.
Fast forward 2 days. Yep, 2 measly days. Derek and I returned from seeing the film "Somewhere Between" and Derek told me he had 3 take aways. The first 2 were normal.... learn some mandarin.... help MS look for her birth parents if/when the time comes and then he arrived at number 3. He got a nervous laugh. He refused to say it and nervous laughed some more.... stil refusing to talk. I remember saying "Just say it!!" and as I said that, in that moment, my mind said "Oh crap! God told him!" He laughed some more and said "we are not done. God has been telling me that for a while and now I am certain." Silence.
We laughed and hugged and laughed more..... and that my friends is why Nov. 15th will be forever etched in my mind and heart.... it is the day we realized that we have another daughter..... and she is in China. I'm well aware that this news will bring forth a variety of reactions. The most common ones I can think of is "Ya'll are CRAZY!" or the other which we got with our first adoption is "That is so great of ya'll!" Let me assure you that neither of these are correct. We are by no means a pair of wonderful heroes with giant hearts for orphans who are going to rescue another child.... and we are by no means crazy.... at least clinically crazy that is. Although I will say that following the heart of God can many times seem crazy to the world around us.
Rather it is something much more simple..... God has told us we have a daughter and that she is in China.... so we need to go and get her. If God told you the same..... you would go and find her.... wouldn't you?
One year later: I wrote the above and never looked at it again.... I said it would forever be etched in my brain but let's face it, life gets busy and I get tired and I forget what I thought I heard God saying..... or worse yet, on some level, I don't want to remember exactly what it was He said to me.... It seems scary and crazy. Well, 2012 turned into 2013 and then as 2013 began to approach 2014.... I forgot all about that date.... "November 15th." Good thing I documented it. A few weeks ago the conversation started all over agin. As Derek and I hypothesized and daydreamed, we decided it was time to seek God together in prayer over this decision. We prayed together one night. The very next night, Derek turned to me and said "Let's do it." I thought he was joking.... surely we needed to pray more but he was confident and again said "Let's get started!" God lit a fire under Derek unlike anything I have seen before. He was fully confident in God's will so it was easy & exciting to follow alongside him. Sitting on the sofa that night, I remembered about this blogpost I never published. I decided to look on my computer and find out when that was that God spoke to us.... When I pulled it up, there it was: November 15, 2012. The date that night? November 15, 2013. I think it is safe to say that we are on the right path for our family.
I'm forever grateful that over 2,000 years ago, Jesus knew He had sons and daughters.... and He needed to go get them.... so He wrapped Himself in human flesh and came as a baby on that first Christmas morning to pave the way for our adoption. Merry Christmas and Soli Deo Gloria!